Freedom to...

Sometimes there is not a whole lot going on here. Well, there is baking of course, and home schooling, and getting to karate on time. But what I am dwelling on at the moment isn't those things, it's Scripture, and my life's goal is to dwell on scripture all the time, what pastor Tim Keller calls the game of minutes; trying to think about the things of God as much of the day as possible.

God's word is so deep and richly fulfilling, I encourage you to read it today. Not all at once, :) but even a small portion can feed you for the entire day. My favorite verse from yesterday is Psalm 119:32 which says, "I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." What a beautiful picture. Freedom! What could you do if your heart was set free?

Exciting Summer Plans

Gracious, it's been over a month! We had a few weeks of sickness here in April. It was a busy month still, as I tested for my green belt- and passed. Yay! I'm in Fidget's class now and we're having so much fun. If I'd known karate was this much fun I would have started it sooner!

Looks like summer's almost here already. I've been working on some knitting and painting and have plans for opening an etsy shop in late August! I want to thank all my pen pals for participating in my one-for-one offer: If they send me a pretty postcard, I paint a picture of it and send it to them. Then my hope is to paint another and offer it at the etsy shop. So far they're such fun I've had a hard time not sending them off the minute they're painted. Here's another peek at my sketchbook and some new work.

The cool weather we've had lately is just gorgeous and our yard has gotten considerably better-looking than the sad and neglected state in which we found it upon move-in. Fidget and I have started running 2 miles in the mornings and are enjoying seeing all the new birds and squirrels in the neighborhood.

Fidget has exciting summer plans as well. After all, art and playing are great but her mind wants more work to do! So she is taking beginning Latin from a dear friend this summer. After the first class this week, she wanted to play Latin teacher when her friend came over later that day. So it looks like this class is a good fit for her. She is also planning to attend a Latin summer camp and a karate Olympics camp.

There have been sad and alarming things all over in the past month and this is something I want to address. Because just last fall God brought me out of a season of fear. I can testify that the past weeks God has been faithful to be my strength and my shield, a peaceful force to my soul that overcame any anxiety. 

I want to encourage you that no matter what you face personally, no matter what our country faces, God will always be enough. He is trustworthy, He is faithful. It is faith in Him that allows us to have joy even when things are sad. We know He will redeem everything bad one day. I hope you can see and appreciate that He gives us many great blessings here, but I also pray you say with me 'Come, Lord Jesus. Come!'

'Tis the season

Easter! Tis the season to think on the blessedness of life lived in abundance because Jesus paid the penalty for our sins and rose again to give us eternal life. Tis the season for seeing birds building nests; time to dig in the flower beds; time to run to the river and enjoy the beauty of creation; and as usual, tis the season to bake!

School Days and Treasured Friends

It's the last day of the second week of school. We are having such a good time. It beats last year by miles. This year we went back to My Father's World and chose their Exploring Countries and Cultures curriculum. God has been working an excitement in Fidget and me about people all over the world and how the Gospel is for them as well as us. I love that the curriculum is all about this.

Here is an Inuit- inspired carving, a dove out of Ivory... soap, that is. Fidget made it last week. The first two weeks of the curriculum were introductory, and didn't direct us to study any particular countries, so she and I did a little research and study on our own. We looked at Botswana (setting of the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency series by Alexander McCall Smith- these are grown up books but so charming, I have been reading them to Fidget the past few months), India, and North American Indians, particularly Seminoles, who came from Creeks, who we are ancestors of; and including the Inuits of the far North and their amazing carvings.

I love how there is time to follow our interests and study other things in this curriculum. It is Charlotte Mason-inspired, that is, scheduled studying in the morning, leaving the afternoons free. We don't always finish by lunch, but we're not in a hurry either, and we have been running first thing in the morning. Fidget earns a dollar a mile. It's gotten expensive lately, but that's a good thing.

After all our diligence these 2 weeks, it was lovely to get a call that a friend wanted to bring her kids to visit us in our tiny train-rattled apartment. She said she didn't mind any of the inconveniences, including what turned out to be an hour drive just to get to us.

I made these peanut butter cookies for their arrival. Fidget, who hates jelly no matter what, did not like these with the blackberry jam. But I left the jam off some and she didn't want to stop eating those. 

Ahh, tea and cookies with a friend. A perfect way to end the week.
It is such a blessing to have a friend dear enough, who loves you enough to go way out of their way for you. A good friend is a treasure to keep.

Adelaide's Treasures

As you know if you've been reading this blog, my daughter Fidget and I have an ongoing mystery to work on when we run to the Elizabeth River down at the end of our street. While we do collect clues (sometimes in the form of broken pottery, which we bring home), I am not sure this is a mystery we want to solve. It is something we expound on every time so it takes different turns.

Here are more broken items from Aunt Adelaide's sunken ship. Fidget and I were fascinated this morning, because we chanced upon low tide and there were bits of glass and pottery strewn all about. Jackpot!

I was particularly enchanted with two fragments that had back stamps pressed into them. You can see them better if you click the photo above, it enlarges the picture.

I found so much, it filled both my hands on the way home. Lately we find more and more pieces. We are going to miss the fun of finding shards of the past when we move this summer. We may never solve the mystery of Aunt Adelaide's disappearance, or find the chest with her fortune in it. We may never apprehend the pirates who posed as fishermen to steal her trunk. But I am sure another mystery is awaiting us in Rhode Island!

The Case of Aunt Adelaide

Today we got down to the river in the morning again. We have such fun playing Nense Jroo (which is how Fidget spells Nancy Drew, for the uninitiated) there. We are always on a case. The past few months we've been taken with the idea that Nense and her friends George Fayne (who is an athletic girl, I often play this part when I am not pretending to be Ned Nickerson) and Bess Marvin all have an Aunt Adelaide who went missing in the late 1800's, leaving her fortune to the three girls. Never mind that the girls would not have been born yet so dear auntie could not have known their names. Do not bog us down in details like that! Apparently pirates who posed as fishermen sank Aunt Adelaide's boat, so they could get her fortune. She had a trunk of gold doubloons. We often find bits of pottery from auntie's boat, or glass, or undeveloped film that Nense swirls in the water to develop so we can just make out the shadowy figure of a man...

You always have to be ready with Fidget. Even if you woke up in the middle of the night with nightmares and lost a lot of sleep, be prepared. She will probably wake up at 6am with another case brewing before you can even get your first cup of tea down. When this happens, I find the best thing to clear the head is a run to the river.

After the Storm

 Here are more pictures of pottery and glass gleanings from our walks at the Elizabeth River at the end of our street. Many days Fidget and I jog down there and back. But this morning neither of us is feeling well so we just walked. There is comfort in walking together, taking her hand just to be sure she's still there.

We weathered a sudden fierce storm two days ago. Yesterday when we went to the river there was pottery and glass scattered all over the shore, way up high where the storm waters had surged. Our streets frequently flood in stormy weather, and we saw where the neighborhood water had run over the rocks down into the river. 

We have been through a lot lately, our family. Deaths, anger, grieving, and water damage from the broken ice maker line are but some of the things that have worn us out emotionally and physically. These challenges leave us feeling weak, but ultimately point us to the source of all strength and perfection, Jesus, our Redeemer. 

It would be so nice if things didn't break and we didn't disappoint each other, if dear friends and loved ones wouldn't die. But we are sinners in a broken world, and to expect only good is unrealistic, it sets us up for despair. I was musing on these things with a dear kindred spirit this morning and she wrote : So fun for you and Fidget to find more treasures after the storm.. isn’t that how it goes with ’storms’. They unearth the deep things in us and God reveals the treasure He is in us. 

I am so thankful for a friend who helps me see that in any storm there are treasures to be had. If I cling to God, He will reveal the treasures in His time.

Offerings

I am hesitant to leave thoughts of my friend behind. I spent most of last week asking God why He allowed her to do what she did. But He doesn't have to answer to me. And though my friend's death is tragic, I can't stay in thoughts of her constantly. Like it or not we are here, we are the living, and there is work to do.

 Some days, we may not feel we have much to give. We may question what we are even doing here. What can I possibly contribute? The truth is that God does not need our efforts. But he is pleased to use us as we offer ourselves and whatever we have to give.

I have been reminded of that on days when Fidget and I run to the river lately. Often we find intriguing vintage pottery shards. The river's offerings vary but we use all we can get.

 We bring them back to the house and put them in flower pots.

 

Some days there is a bunch. Other days we might only find one or two tiny pieces. This is like the days we may have much to offer a friend who is in need. We give and are happy we can be of use.

But on others, all we may have is a listening ear, or hands to hold and pray with. God is not disappointed in what we have to give. He will use whatever we have.

My sadness of last week has reminded me how firmly anchored I am in the rock of God my Savior. He put us here for a reason. I am here to encourage and grow others in their faith as I worship the Lord and He grows my faith too. Though I am sad for my friend, I know I am secure in God's grip. If this is all I know for sure as an alien in a world which is by turns exhilarating, sad, and disappointing, it is enough.

Training Wheels

I wouldn't say I'm on a health kick. I would say rather that I am constantly trying to work activity into my day instead of choosing a sedentary life. It is so easy to be sedentary, particularly in winter. But as it's spring and the flowers are blooming and the mornings are cool, it is invigorating to be out there. Unless you are following a kid on training wheels. 

Fidget's had training wheels for at least 2 years. We are ready to see her progress. In fact she has gone from the stage when they are helpful to the time when they are a hindrance and downright dangerous. There was something about this morning though that got me to the point where I just couldn't take it. She was toppling over, going slower and slower, stopping, riding into plants, rearranging her tiny purse basket that she'd brought to hang on her handlebars, rearranging her dress...This is all a mom needs when she's trying to exercise and has already struggled just to get out the door. 

By getting out there I'm saying 'no' or 'not now' to lots of other important things like home schooling and home management. I feel those things pressing in on my day and I am eager to get this fun over with so I can get back to what I should do. I have the feeling that exercise is fun, so I should deny myself the pleasure. But in delaying those things at home, I am teaching Fidget and myself that it is important to exercise. It is important to care for our bodies; we learn from the Bible our bodies are temples of God. I need to teach Fidget that even when you're a mom, you still have needs. This exercise is for me, as well as for her. These are great lessons. But, having battled the 'also-shoulds' and gotten out there to the great outdoors, what I don't want is to be stopped and have to walk and barely get up to a jog at any point. 

So as I say I was at the breaking point. I said to myself, you are not going to get any running in, this kid is holding you up, just tell her you are tired of fooling with that darn bike and that you are going to walk home and she can ride if she can make it. Immediately the pride and harshness of those thoughts were echoed to me when I felt God say right back to me, "If she can make it?" She can't make it. So you're going to leave her here? How far can you make it on your own?

That's it. I can't make it on my own. God says, "Apart from me you can do nothing." So, I didn't leave Fidget out there on her own. Of course I wouldn't have anyway even if I was frustrated. God has never once left me, not once has He said, "I am so tired of you, of carrying you, of righting your cycle every single time you lose balance. I am tired of pulling you and your bike out of bushes, of dusting you off when you fall and get scraped." Not once has He told me he is sick of me, when anyone else would have long ago. He says He could never forget us.

I need to give Fidget and her training wheels a break. In this life, I am always going to be on spiritual training wheels; training to be holy, learning to take God at His word, and be changed into His humble likeness.  I didn't get any running in today. But I did get out with my kid. I did learn a little bit about humility and about my need for God. Tomorrow's another day.

Who's Got You?

Lately I’ve been really tough on myself. Approving of myself only if I live up to all the things I set out to do, knowing there isn’t time for them all. I shouldn’t say lately, because heck, I’ve always done it. Why do I do this, when I love giving others plenty of leeway? It’s like I’m saying grace is for you, but not me. I didn’t see how prideful that was ‘til I wrote it down. 

So, I was running this morning, and thinking, great now I can approve of myself, I’ve earned my self- respect for the day with this run. Then I was running myself down for being so hard on myself, when I got to this bridge. It looks daunting, but if you were going as slowly as I was, it wasn’t that bad. I was in a great frame of mind (despite the self-recriminations), just enjoying being out, I’m by myself so rarely these days. I looked out across the water and a little boat was heading out, being followed and surrounded by a bunch of seagulls. They were all around the little boat, high in the air and swooping low, and I wondered if there was a bait bucket visible that made them follow. As I made my way slowly up the bridge, I thought, that’s what God’s grace is like. It’s surrounding me, over me, going with me, all the time. And as I thought this, there were noises on the bridge as cars passed back and forth. What if the bridge falls? I thought. And just as quickly as I thought it, I heard God’s assurance, I’ve got you. I’ve got you. I’ve got you. 

Soon I was over the bridge, and when I came back to it and crossed again, I saw the little boat and another boat, both surrounded by seagulls. Surrounded by grace. There were more bridge noises, and my vision played tricks on me as the water rolling away under the bridge competed with my concentration on the ground 10 feet in front of me. The more exhausted I got, the shorter my thoughts were. Until all I heard was I’ve got you, I’ve got you, I’ve got you. I didn’t really want to go running this morning. It’s not my favorite thing. But I’m glad I went. Not so I could approve of myself. I needed reminding, Who’s got me.