I wouldn't say I'm on a health kick. I would say rather that I am constantly trying to work activity into my day instead of choosing a sedentary life. It is so easy to be sedentary, particularly in winter. But as it's spring and the flowers are blooming and the mornings are cool, it is invigorating to be out there. Unless you are following a kid on training wheels.
Fidget's had training wheels for at least 2 years. We are ready to see her progress. In fact she has gone from the stage when they are helpful to the time when they are a hindrance and downright dangerous. There was something about this morning though that got me to the point where I just couldn't take it. She was toppling over, going slower and slower, stopping, riding into plants, rearranging her tiny purse basket that she'd brought to hang on her handlebars, rearranging her dress...This is all a mom needs when she's trying to exercise and has already struggled just to get out the door.
By getting out there I'm saying 'no' or 'not now' to lots of other important things like home schooling and home management. I feel those things pressing in on my day and I am eager to get this fun over with so I can get back to what I should do. I have the feeling that exercise is fun, so I should deny myself the pleasure. But in delaying those things at home, I am teaching Fidget and myself that it is important to exercise. It is important to care for our bodies; we learn from the Bible our bodies are temples of God. I need to teach Fidget that even when you're a mom, you still have needs. This exercise is for me, as well as for her. These are great lessons. But, having battled the 'also-shoulds' and gotten out there to the great outdoors, what I don't want is to be stopped and have to walk and barely get up to a jog at any point.
So as I say I was at the breaking point. I said to myself, you are not going to get any running in, this kid is holding you up, just tell her you are tired of fooling with that darn bike and that you are going to walk home and she can ride if she can make it. Immediately the pride and harshness of those thoughts were echoed to me when I felt God say right back to me, "If she can make it?" She can't make it. So you're going to leave her here? How far can you make it on your own?
That's it. I can't make it on my own. God says, "Apart from me you can do nothing." So, I didn't leave Fidget out there on her own. Of course I wouldn't have anyway even if I was frustrated. God has never once left me, not once has He said, "I am so tired of you, of carrying you, of righting your cycle every single time you lose balance. I am tired of pulling you and your bike out of bushes, of dusting you off when you fall and get scraped." Not once has He told me he is sick of me, when anyone else would have long ago. He says He could never forget us.
I need to give Fidget and her training wheels a break. In this life, I am always going to be on spiritual training wheels; training to be holy, learning to take God at His word, and be changed into His humble likeness. I didn't get any running in today. But I did get out with my kid. I did learn a little bit about humility and about my need for God. Tomorrow's another day.