Tuesday, May 3, 2011
A Lost Treasure
When I met my friend, this lovely young mother came to me one day after Bible study because I had shared openly about trying to commit suicide while I was growing up. I had turned to numerous destructive behaviors to dull the pain, but it always came back. I shared with the ladies at the study that I was diagnosed with manic depression, got lots of counseling, and was put on medicine that I was supposed to be on forever. The only problem was, the medicine didn't help. Nothing helped until I became a Christian. After that, God removed the depression from my life and I have not tried to commit suicide anymore. So I thought it was the same with my friend Jessica.
She wrote me a letter after Bible study, telling me that her mom had committed suicide a few years earlier. She told me she was in AA/NA because of her previous destructive behaviors. She felt free to share that with me because I had friends in AA and NA, and I acknowledged that I had tried all sorts of worldly methods to keep the pain from returning.
But with me, once I was a Christian this dark pain was immediately removed. Yes, it is a miracle, but I explain it as the means God needed to use to bring me to an understanding of the extent of my sinfulness, and my inability to save myself even a little bit. Once I was desperate for Him and turned to Him, he graciously removed it. He didn't have to do that. He doesn't do that with everyone. He didn't do that with Jessica.
After awhile I did not see Jessica often because she went to a different church and then my family was stationed in another state. We lost touch. What I was told is that she was hospitalized for manic depression for a month, and when she left the hospital her family came back to our church last Sunday. She told the pastor's wife, a dear friend of hers, that she thought she was getting better. The next day she was found in a hotel room, having overdosed on prescription medicine.
Having become a Christian I did not think about suicide anymore. It didn't occur to me that anyone else would either. The assurance of my salvation is a treasure, something I feel protects me. It helps me see that no matter how bad things get here, I have but little time to wait until I am in heaven rejoicing at the throne of God.
How I wish I had known Jessica still had those dark thoughts. I am sure I am not the only one saying that today. If only... But though the enemy clouded her mind and obscured the treasure that was her salvation, making it seem lost forever, I know that my friend is with Jesus now. The lost treasure was not lost, it is the thing that carried her to the throne, a weak and weary wayfarer who I knew and loved for just a little while. Yet I know I will see her again, in God's time. In the meantime I am praying for Jessica's husband and her three little children. May God protect them and their treasure until He returns.
Even so, come, Lord Jesus. We need you.